Problematic Symbolism
by Asarikou-chan
Summary: Post Frontier. "Yin is characterized as passive; and is associated with femininity, and nighttime. Yang, by contrast, is aggressive; and is associated with masculinity and daytime." Sometimes reading interpretations of taken-for granted symbols causes undesirable second thoughts.


**Author Note**

Oh well, it has been a while since I wrote a long one-shot (long enough to be posted alone and not in my collection Because it is life)

So, don't ask me about the title or the summary. I honestly don't know how I allowed myself to write them -.- Other than that feel free to comment ^.^… Hehe, I was using half of my mind while writing this oneshot. The other half took a long vacation for the time being. And for those who wait my multi-chaptered fictions updates. I am working on them but writer blocks are really, really unhelpful, you know !

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**Problematic Symbolism **

'Hey, Kouji…'

Silence.

'Kouji, I am talking to you!' Kouichi's voice rose a bit to overcome the loud music effects, which Kouji's video game was displaying.

'Not now, Nii-san.'

'But.'

'Can't it wait?'

The only thing Kouji was thinking about was how to reach the next level. He wasn't the type that would admit failure if it came to games especially if Takuya was the opponent. It was true that Takuya wasn't playing against him but if the brunette had managed to reach the 20th level while he was still stuck in the 16th , he had every right to consider it a challenge. After all, Takuya was annoyingly bragging his continuous success in the dump game. Even if Kouji played it as hysterically as he was doing, there was no way he would admit that it was an interesting one.

Kouichi was sleeping over but he had been busy reading a book he had brought with him. That allowed Kouji to feel free while playing without being worried of neglecting his twin. However when Kouichi talked to him, he couldn't even turn his head to face him. He was not going to let his character be killed for getting distracted.

'Sure.'

Kouji had forgotten the rhetorical question he had asked his brother. Or maybe it wasn't rhetorical as Kouichi had answered it quietly.

Kouichi's voice was flat unlike the tone he used when he was literally whining for Kouji's attention in the beginning. Kouji felt really bad suddenly. He breathed heavily and paused the game, hoping his character won't get killed once he resume the game later. He sighed again and cursed Takuya under his breath.

'So what is it, Kouichi?' he tried to ask as cheerful as possible and to ignore the nagging feeling that he had done something terribly wrong. Sure, it was not a big mistake to ignore someone as long as you can make up for that. But he wasn't sure if that could be applied on his twin. He defended himself mentally, _I didn't ignore him. I just asked him to wait and I left the game for him now. He shouldn't be mad at me._

Well, he was hoping to believe his own defense. Tilting his head to look at his brother who was sitting at the edge of his bed, he asked again. 'Is something wrong?'

'No.'

That wasn't good at all. Kouichi had closed his book and walked towards the door in slow steps. His face was unreadable and that had worried Kouji even more.

'Kouichi?' he asked in worry, abandoning his game.

'Yes.'

'You okay?'

'Sure.' Kouichi didn't look at him, instead he gazed at the door. 'I will take a walk.'

Red flags sent alarming sensation to Kouji's mind. He sighed for the third time and walked towards his brother. The door was already closed but as cautious as Kouji was, he stood in front of it and leant against the cool wooden material.

'What are you doing?'

Kouji was about to jump out of happiness when his brother decided finally to say something that wasn't an answer to one of his questions. However the flat tone prevented him from even grinning.

He answered his brother's question with a question of his own. 'What is wrong with you?'

He had expected his brother to mutter with his usual 'nothing' but instead, Kouichi looked at his feet and sighed. 'You can complete your game. I am not going anywhere.'

'You are upset because I ignored you?' Kouji wished that he could throw himself from the tenth floor of whatever building for being so stupid. How could he admit that he had ignored him? What happened to his mental preparation for defense?

Kouichi seemed amused at his brother's contradicted expressions. Kouji had been worried then stern and finally looked so funny while having that little mental war.

'Were you?' the small smirk that sneaked to Kouichi's face made Kouji blink in confusion before regaining his control over himself. He cleared his throat and crossed his arms. 'No, I wasn't.'

Kouichi couldn't help but chuckle softly in amusement. 'You look funny when you don't know what to feel exactly, you know.'

The younger twin scowled and shot back. ' And you act really weird when you jump from a feeling to another. Try to decide what to feel exactly.'

'Say that to yourself first.'

Kouji pouted mostly to stop himself from laughing at the situation they were in. He cut the silence that stretched for few minutes. 'So what did you want to say?'

Kouichi blinked rapidly, a blush was staining his cheeks. He looked away and muttered in embarrassment. 'It is nothing, really.'

Kouji narrowed his eyes. 'You freaked me out and you are telling me now to leave it.'

'I didn't mean to worry you. I was just wondering how you would react.' Kouichi played with his fingers, avoiding Kouji's narrowed eyes.

'Oh really?' Kouji raised his eyebrow. When he didn't receive an answer, he sighed and left his position in front of the door. He gripped Kouichi's hand and dragged him towards the bed. The elder twin didn't sound thrilled by his brother's behavior yet he didn't protest.

Two minutes later, they were sitting in front of each other on Kouj's bed. Kouichi was trying so hard to avoid any eye contact despite his brother's efforts to look at his eyes directly.

'So?'

'So what?'

'Seriously, Nii-san, you won't make me worry just to see how I would react if you sounded mad at me.'

True. The excuse Kouichi had given him didn't seem accurate. It was so much unlike the elder twin to do pranks in which he could observe his brother's worry. And it wasn't normal of him to look mad at Kouji for a trivial reason like being unintentionally ignored. Kouji had asked him to wait after all and he didn't act as if Kouichi wasn't there. Somehow, Kouji felt as if his twin wanted a reason to leave or even to stop talking about whatever he wanted to say.

'Come on.'

'Maybe later. You have a game to return to.'

'Forget the damn video game. I can't believe that I was an idiot to challenge Takuya in the only thing he can do. Beside, Tomoki will beat him anyway so he will stop acting so proud.'

'I-I don't want to talk about it. Kinda stupid.' Kouichi mumbled hesitantly, acting so different from the emotionless behavior he used while trying to 'trick' Kouji earlier. Kouji had to admit that his brother's emotions were always unpredictable. No matter how much he had tried to fully understand him, which never worked.

'Kouichi…' He maintained the eye contact with his brother. Determination to understand had replaced the worry which Kouichi was used to see in those identical yet different eyes.

Kouichi sighed in defeat, closed his eyes and muttered quietly. 'It is about something I read in a book. Something regarding Yin-Yang.'

Kouji nodded slightly encouraging him to continue so Kouichi resumed in the same calm yet uncertain tone. 'I remember someone calling us by this title. I am not sure who but I think it was Takuya or Izumi.'

'The goggle head said that once when he had failed miserably to understand how could twins be so different.' Kouji giggled. The memory of Takuya looking between both of them in one of their get together meetings was indescribable. He kept wondering and talking about nothing coherent actually. The only reason Kouji was paying attention to his rant was because Kouichi was too busy daydreaming and the others hadn't arrived yet. He could swear that he had seen the comic light bulb above Takuya's head when he raised his voice suddenly in realization. 'You are like Yin yang!'

It was Kouichi's turn to nod, bringing Kouji to the present. He smiled faintly at Kouji's uncharacteristic giggle and completed. 'It is about their personalities. I mean yin and yang.'

Again, he looked away and stopped talking. Kouji frowned, his fingers reached his brothers' and squeezed them gently. Such simple reassurance was an enough push to Kouichi who quoted flatly.' "Yin is characterized as passive; and is associated with femininity and nighttime. Yang, by contrast, aggressive; and is associated with masculinity and daytime" '

Kouji blinked in confusion before his brother's words started making sense. 'So you are upset because of that interpretation. I don't think it bothers you to know which of them refers to regarding time. I mean nighttime and daytime. You are not satisfied with the passive or the feminine point?' Kouji asked bluntly, pronouncing the first thing that occurred to him.

The blood ran crazily towards Kouichi's face, painting it deep red. 'That was mean, Kouji!'

'You didn't answer me.' Kouji shot back, congratulating himself mentally. He was tactless and usually he would apologize for being so rude but apologizing now means allowing Kouichi to win and escape their conversation. He can apologize later.

'Both.'

'Why?'

'Huh?' Kouichi looked at his brother as if he had asked something utterly stupid. A look that Izumi had given Takuya once he had asked about where they do _plant_ the Italian Spaghetti.

'Why would you feel upset or ashamed from something like this, Nii-san? You aren't extremely passive or feminine.'

'You think?'

'Come on, Nii-san. It is true that the symbol yin describes you quite perfectly but this is not bad. You prefer following the river's flow. It is quite intelligent. I can be idiot enough to fight, knowing that I would end up hurting myself or others but you always put other's safety in front of yours. This is not wrong.'

'But, it is not good either. I f I wasn't passive and ran away from talking to you, all the mess then wouldn't have happened.''

'We agreed not to talk about that again, didn't we? Anyone would feel shy to talk to someone he barely knows. Beside, I am sure that you wouldn't take anything that happened back no matter how painful it was.' Kouji pointed out.

'I was acting like a coward more than being shy.' Kouichi bit his lower lip anxiously, commenting on the first part of Kouji's wise words. There was no point in talking again about past experiences yet he knew that he was passive who was always running from problems. Even after the Digital World, little did he change. He still avoided making friends and joining school's activities. Heck, he had tried to look angry at Kouji so he might be able to run away from Kouji's question about what he had wanted to talk about. Even though, he knew that Kouji wouldn't leave him alone until he would know what was wrong.

Kouji ran his other hand's finger through his hair thoughtfully. 'Nii-san, you weren't passive in the Digital world.'

Kouichi had scarified his life for them and the two worlds and that was something that a passive person wouldn't do. He had even challenged Cherubimon in their first confrontation. The memory of the two incident caused Kouji's heart to twinge painfully. If getting rid of the passives personality meant suicidal actions then he was glad that his brother remained passive. It was a selfish wish but after what happened, acting like idiots suits him and Takuya more than his angelic twin. Funnily, Kouichi wasn't a pure angle all the time but in front of others, he surely was. However when they are both alone, he wasn't so sure himself.

'Am I acting feminine?'

Kouichi had collected all his courage to utter his question. It was embarrassing really to know that everything that is feminine can be described as the Yin part in the Chinese symbol. Deep down, he knew that he was far nicer than boys he knew. Boys were rude and unsentimental when it comes to others' feelings however he had always cared and empathized with others. He remembered himself crying when he turned five just because a little girl had fallen off her bike and scratched her knee. Her mother was there so he couldn't do anything to sooth her except…crying. The mother looked at him strangely. After more than eight years, he understood the woman's look then. If she hadn't been watching her daughter, she would have suspected him of pushing her off her bike and crying out of guilt. Boys rarely cry to show their empathy with others ; let alone with a girl! The feeling of guilt was the only applicable emotion for that situation.

The long haired twin tried as much as he can to stifle his laugh but failed epically. He exploded and laughed loudly, thanking his luck that his parents weren't home. He couldn't stop himself from falling on the bed and clutching his stomach as he kept laughing. Kouichi looked deeply embarrassed and shouted hotly at him. 'It is not funny! I was asking you a question.'

He put his laughter under control difficultly and sat again, happy that his brother didn't choose the chance to tackle him as a revenge. 'Gomen.' He tried to look sincere but it wasn't working.

'That wasn't nice.'

'I know.'

'I shouldn't have asked you.' Kouichi mumbled in regret.

'Hey, I didn't mean it. Besides that was the answer for your question.'

Kouichi was obviously angered by his brother's carelessness. 'What do you mean?'

Kouji cleared his throat, ready to deliver a speech. 'I was rude when I laughed at you. People do this. If someone talked to you about something that bothers them, you would listen carefully and would never laugh. Girls can be so annoying and unfeeling sometimes just like boys. You are acting nice and sweet but that doesn't mean you are a girl.' Kouji beamed at the end of his wise reasoning. He added as an afterthought, 'Even if you look cuter than girls sometimes, you are not a girl.'

Kouichi flushed.

Kouji smirked. 'Did I answer your questions?'

Kouichi thought for few seconds then nodded. He wouldn't get a better answer anyway. 'I wish I could change myself though.'

Kouji shrugged. 'You don't have to do this unless you are doing it for yourself. If you want my opinion, I like you as you are, Kouichi.'

There was a comfortable silence between them in which they shared simple smiles. Kouji cut it suddenly, 'I still have a game to win.'

'Good luck then.'

'Don't you want to play? We would have a better chance to defeat Takuya then.'

Kouichi laughed heartily. 'It is your challenge; not mine. I have a book to finish.'

'Don't come crying to me if you found something else about yin or yang.'

'Shut up!'

'That is nice, Nii-san. You are changing little by little to act more like a rude boy. Now you are asking me to shut up. Few days from now, you would curse, ne?'

'Hey!'

**_...!~..._**

**_Owari_**


End file.
